Looking Up

Thanks to all that said a prayer. Pop seems to be adjusting to his new home. His needs are being met so much better and I'm starting to realize that he really wasn't even getting close to the physical care he needed before. Please continue to pray that emotionally he will be happy and mentally he will be somewhat clear.

As for the "parents", I am taking a, time to be determined at a later date, hiatus. The thing is, I am willing to forgive Barbara for the things she did in the past, although I am still healing from some of them that have profoundly effected my life. The way I keep explaining my feelings is that I am willing to forgive but I feel like she's inflicted this wound on me and every time it starts to heal, she re-opens it. I know that's gross but it's the best description I can think of. Then, as far as my dad is concerned, he stumbles upon her inflicting the wound on me and not only doesn't do anything to stop it, but tells me she really didn't mean it! Since when is the assaulter given a pass while the assaulted is made to seem like they're overreacting?

So now, when I'm around her and even him, (because while he offered a lot more help with the Pop situation, he did give her the wine and has made never ending excuses for her bad behavior as well as not protecting Lucy when she really needed to be), all I feel is anger. Anger is such an ugly feeling and eventually it makes us sick. I don't want to feel that way but as long as they're still living the way they are, I don't feel like I can be part of it. And until I figure out how to work through my feelings and what the stipulations are to allowing them back in my life, I need some distance.

Besides, I was supposed to start school in January and because of the intrusions on my life, have pushed it off until May. I wanted to put myself and our family (Danny and Lu) first in 2008 and yet once again, Barbara's craziness monopolizes everything. Only now that Pop is safe and we can visit him whenever we want in a peaceful way, we can concentrate on the three of us. I honestly fell like, for the first time in my entire life, I have the actual choice to NOT take care of 'them' anymore and I can put my needs first. Wow, what will I do with myself?

Again, thanks to all for your support. Maybe now, I can start posting happy family events:) I look forward to my biggest problem of the day being what to make for dinner. I've started teaching Lu how to cook and have written up a curriculum for it. Last night she did really well, Salmon, asparagus and carrots and baby red potato's. Tonight, salad, garlic bread and Spaghetti. See that? Problem of the day, solved.