SAVED BY DIZZYLAND & A STRANGER

Of course Rite Aid forgot to enclose a disk with our trip pictures so I'll have to post some later.

So, we arrived at the hotel on Thanksgiving Eve and munched on Outback food while watching The Simpson's Movie which I thought was beyond what it had to be in crudeness. We got a very late start Thanksgiving morning to Disneyland. Not that we minded because we were set to stay until after the fireworks and I feel there truly is such thing as too long a day in the magical (and really expensive) kingdom. The first thing we did was buy me a little Nightmare Before Christmas jacket (a tradition) and Lu a shirt because for some reason, I didn't really pack any and the one she brought was a bit too small. Once we were dressed, we realized that too many other people had the same idea and that it was quite a bit more crowded than was anticipated. I despise crowds! We did manage to go on the Haunted House and Winnie the Pooh as well as that Jungle boat ride. That's when our blood sugars fell through the bottom of the chart and we decided to leave for a while to find food. I didn't want to eat too unhealthy and every place in Disneyland was a ridiculously long wait anyway. Plus, thanks to the loudest stinking air conditioner ever, I hardly slept the night before. I was not the happiest me!

Boo Hoo....every decent restaurant (that served Salmon which is what I was craving) was closed and so we ended up at Denny's. Denny's had a "special" Thanksgiving meal which we all ordered because it seemed only right. It wasn't bad and the waitress was really sweet. However, at this point, we were a little depressed. This is when I noticed a young man at the table next to us eating alone and I started to think that at least we had one another. Then a tiny little voice in my head said, "Invite him to eat with you." Now, I am the most cautious person ever, especially since becoming a mom and so this is not something I would do. I am a ridiculously nice person and I'll give to anyone anything they need at anytime, but I am far from naive concerning the world and its dangers. The "voice" would not stop, even when I argued and even when my nerves were getting the better of me. Finally, I mustered up my courage and jumped to my feet and yes, I plopped myself down across from him and asked if he was all alone. He was down from Maryland doing a Swing dance competition that unfortunately falls on Thanksgiving week every year. And so, we enjoyed the rest of our lunch/dinner, quite a bit more cheered up with our new friend, Marcus. He'll be down doing Swing Diego in May so we'll have to go see him dance.

After, we went back to the hotel and almost completely crashed! Of course Lu hadn't gotten enough rides and really wanted to see the fireworks, (we'd seen a preview from the hotel room the night before) so I picked my lazy butt off the bed and we went. We hit up the rest of the rides and watched the most breathtaking and close up fireworks show I have ever seen. Cinderella's castle was all lit up for Christmas and it was gorgeous. Overall, it was pretty good. Maybe not the idea I had of Thanksgiving but a memorable and adventurous experience. Perhaps, if nothing else, Marcus just needed someone to spend the holiday with.

Merry Thanksgiving!!!!

As most of you know, I am for the most part a happy person. I have more energy than is healthy for one person but am very thankful for it. And despite all of life's, oh so fun, trials, I am overall pretty optimistic. I usually do not forget to thank God for my many blessings but I have a very difficult time with Thanksgiving. It's the holiday my dad was diagnosed with cancer both times and around the time he had the stroke as well. It does hold new meaning because I do feel more thankful than I can express to God for the miracle of my dad. I'm just not so sure mother sees it all like that because she just seems set on ruining the day.

Last year I offered to cook for everyone and so I did, a gigantic and all organic meal. From the very start mother freaked out (she's bipolar for those who don't know) and I didn't even end up eating one bite of any of the food. I was so sad. So this year, Danny and I decided to go away for a home for the holiday's weekend at Forest Home Christian Retreats, by Big Bear. We were really excited, even when my parents decided to come too. Although I was a little worried about things getting messed up because they often do with mother.

So, Monday night, I brought my parents dinner and my dad talked us into staying and having it with them. We found our way to the dining room table which we hadn't eaten at together in years. It felt like old times and we even coaxed my mom off the couch to join us. She was having some sort of episode from the start because she started cooking steaks for Danny with this crazy energy, even when he said he didn't want anymore. After dinner, we were just hanging out in the family room talking. Danny was in with Pop and my mom was being really snippy with my dad and rude to me. She was also cursing about something some of her extended family did to her recently. In short, she was angry. Lucy was in the room off and on and I really didn't think my mother's behavior was appropriate although, sadly, even Lucy is used to it. Finally I told her that I'd had enough and was leaving. "Bye" she said in a really obnoxious tone. "You don't have to be rude to us," I told her. "You don't know what I've been through lately." "Yes I do but we're not the family that hurt you. In fact, I'm the family that brought dinner and made you sit and eat with us." This is when I fell off the high road (and I fell hard...darn road, why does it have to be so high?) and the two of us went back and forth for a while. She finished, with "bye, bye, bye, bye." Only it was the most obnoxious sound you have ever heard!

The following day, she called and left all these messages apologizing. She said she had been drinking and blacked out. She doesn't remember any of it. I had Kat tell her that I'm not angry with her but I can't do it anymore. It's not good for me and worse, I don't want Lucy to be around it. We had my doctor (psychologist) send a note to Forest Home saying it was not in my best interest to go, which she agreed it was not. Suddenly, we had this refund and nowhere to go and nothing to do and I was feeling really low. We went to the Bible book store and bought a few Christmas things and stopped by storage to pick up all our Christmas decorations which we set up with the Celtic Women's Christmas music as well as Josh Groban's new album Noel, playing in the background. Half way through, Danny looks at me and says, "you want to go to Disneyland on Thanksgiving?" "Sure," I respond happily. And we went to work getting a hotel room. Maybe it's not what I would like most of all, a big family Thanksgiving, but it is the "happiest place on earth." :)

As for all of you that are reading this. This is not meant to be a bummer post. This is the life God has allowed me and while I'm used to it, I'll never get over the fact that it makes me sad and how much I would've liked to have a mom. I guess God knew Barbara needed me to take care of her. I was good at it. But I've got my own family now and my care should be given to them. There's no point in continuing to put myself in the line of pain right now anyway. She went off her antidepressant to drink and won't accept that she is bipolar disorder let alone go on medicine. There's nothing more I can do for her until she does that. I don't know if any of you ever saw the ER episodes with Sally Field playing Abby's bipolar mom but that character is very similar to my mom.

Ok, so I'm excited and we're heading out of town today! I wish all of you joy, blessings and happiness this Thanksgiving. I wish you all the desires of your heart and so much love surrounding you that you don't know what to do with it. I wish one of you a day without nausea and will pray that for you! I wish you beautiful moments with loved one's and so much food your bellies are going to pop! Love you all!

A FUN B-DAY & A CASE OF THE RAMBLES

Danny's working on pictures of Lu's play because they need to be lightened. I forgot to tell our neighbor, who is quite a bit taller than I am and was kind enough to take the pictures for me, to turn on the flash....oops! The pix above are from the Corvette Diner for Danny's birthday. I know my eyes are closed in the one of our entire family but I still thought it was cute. I know everyone will appreciate Danny's hat!

As for the rambles, well, I always knew I was not a gigantic fan of talking on the phone (specifically cell) but I think I have had some kind of epiphany about it all recently. I especially seem to have difficulty talking to those that live far away. I always feel like there's not enough time to catch up on everything and so I try and cram way too much into one conversation. I sound like I'm on speed! Ok, I think I sound like that anyway but more so...if that's possible. I am also trying to get over my fear of silence. I always feel like I should fill the gap quickly or else! Or else what? I don't exactly know, I've never waited long enough to find out. Worst of all, my rambling does not allow me to come across as the most intelligent person. This bothers me because I am so very capable of having an un-coffee fueled, non tweaker sounding and even rather intelligent conversation. I will say there are people I feel more comfortable with. Most people would agree with that though. We all feel more comfortable with those people that are the "regulars" in our life. I guess I just wish I didn't put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, which is what I think causes me to ramble at times. Maybe that communication minor will do me some good. Either that or I will be a very well educated rambling idiot!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!! May this year bring lots of good stuff. Healing, delegating:), happiness, less stress and blessings beyond your wildest dreams! We DO love you bunches. Lu & Jessicer

Lennon's & Linguine

Not sure I'll have much time to write again until Monday so I thought I would do it quickly now. Ever since I quit smoking and all other vices I do two things to calm down. I pace and I cook. And just in case we weren't sure that my family is completely crazy, they are paying me to cook for them three nights a week. My mother has lost all interest in things such as cooking, cleaning and pretty much getting off the couch all together. At least I get a little money out of it. I know I do a lot as a wife and mother and that Danny's money is my money but I have never been able to use it to buy him presents on Christmas or his birthday. It just feels like, "hey, I spent $70.00 out of such and such account to buy your gift." So Tuesday night I decided to start my very own Meals on Wheels to the Lennon home. However, a sweet neighbor of ours lost her husband a couple of weeks ago and some other neighbors just brought into their home, her elderly father who is in the end stage of ALS, so I decided to make extra. This isn't difficult for me because I always overestimate the amount of food I'm cooking, especially with pasta.

I spent about four hours cooking and stopped by the first neighbors home to give her the "sympathy" meal. Of course most people make cookies or meatloaf and as I hand her the container I smile and say, "it's linguine with basil sauce, cheesy garlic bread and blond brownies." She stops and looks at me strange. "Linguine with basil sauce," I repeat in response to her surprised "what?"

We finally arrive at my parents house where my mother keeps claiming that Pop isn't doing well and has stopped eating. He shovels the linguine down his throat like he hasn't been fed in years all the while making mmmm sounds. Tonight it was fresh salmon, veggies and baby red potatoes to which he responded, "such royal treatment." He's already looking forward to tomorrow's meal. He's too cute!

No one has ever accused me of being normal and you know, it has always given me great joy to march to the beat of my own drum, as my mother says.

Now, I will make more of an effort on Friday but I'm going to wish Danny a happy early birthday! Mostly because I like to be the first. Egotistical and eccentric. Aren't I wonderful?

Modest too.....as you can tell.

Nail Biting 101

Lu had her performance tonight and let me just say she was the best darn mouseketeer ever! I'm not just being her mom either. I wrote before that I put her in CYT to bring her out of her shell (outside of her comfort zone) a bit. It worked big time! I told her that if she overcame her fear (with a little help from Jesus) and was brave enough to get on that stage and say her lines and sing her solo, she'd fall in love with it. It is, after all, in her blood. Danny and I both grew up performing in theater and we were bitten immediately.

So, we're sitting in the pew at the church and the first group is doing their thing and my stomach is fluttering and I'm praying, "Lord, please help her do it....please". Her group starts to make their way up there and I'm nauseous and dizzy! They all say their names into the microphone Mickey Mouse Club style. I hear a big, loud and wonderfully clear voice, "Lucy!" The nausea goes away. Her first line is up, "With Mickey and Minnie and Donald and Goofy." She nails it! The dizziness is gone. Singing solo approaching...perfect and into that microphone like an old pro. And finally, my stomach has stopped fluttering, her last line comes and she says confidently, "And don't forget afterwards we can sign autographs." The audience laughs at my daughters cuteness and I'm feeling pretty good.

After, she whispers, "you were right mommy, I loved it!" We ask her later what her favorite part was. "The microphone." She answers. My goodness we've created a diva! The acting bug has bitten, I knew it would. Now that she has this new found confidence and excitement, she is ready to take on the world.

I just pray my stomach can handle it.

Pop Rocks!

We spent a decent portion of yesterday at Kaiser because Pop had to be taken by ambulance due to dehydration. That being said, the man is doing quite well for 95 years old. He is frail and bedridden but there is this part of him that is always my beloved Pop. I miss him. That is, the part of him that is gone now because of age, but he will never stop being one of my very best friends. My prayer when I was younger was that he would live long enough to know my children and that they would know him. He and Lucy are kindred spirits. It's cool how God cares about the smallest prayer of a Jr. High girl.

The three of us have enjoyed helping to care for him. No one is more worthy and we feel it is our honor. He's back home now which is good. Walking into my parents house (to make some homemade chicken soup for him before he returned) and finding his room empty felt wrong. It was quiet and lonely, a feeling I suppose at some point in the future, most likely more near than far, I will have to adjust to. In all honesty I can't see myself going there too often once he's gone. It's not the same home I grew up in. It feels cold and sad. Many things have changed.

I started back up with my counselor today. She helped me when I was in the thick of my eating disorder. I am happy to report that God had delivered me from it almost entirely. There are triggers and I watch for them. I'm only going to go every other week and really started just to have someone to talk to. I don't mind being there for others, I'm good at it! But often I let my own troubles weigh me down until I snap...for just a moment. I figured, in order to avoid stressing and falling back into bad patterns of depression and eating issues, it would be good for me to talk to Dr. Hood. In fact, I offered to help with her summer camp for teen girls with eating disorders. She thought it was a good idea! God brings something good out of everything bad. And all in all, it has turned into a week of blessings. I have a "friend" to talk to, people to help and my wonderful, fabulous Pop!

All is right in my world.

The gift giver is often the one that truly receives the gift

I've met a lot of Christians that are not big on tithing. I can understand someone not being eager to give 10% of their money away let alone to give an offering of more, especially when they don't have it to spare. Only my brain has never really thought that way. I enjoy giving and I like getting creative with it. I see nothing wrong with giving to the church but I like to know specifically who I am helping or which catastrophe the money is going to make right for someone. I grew up watching The 700 Club and fell in love with Pat Robertson because he reminds me so much of my dad and Pop. I learned at that young age the laws of reciprocity. Danny and Lucy and I live by the motto, you can't out give God.

Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

We eventually, along with some other charities, chose CBN because Operation Blessing is wherever the latest horrific news story is. It's so difficult to be sure which organization one can trust to donate to. We don't worry about this with CBN. And one thing that has always impressed us is how they have been around for so long and managed to avoid scandal. Other then the media picking on Pat that is. Recently, we had the blessing of upping our tithe to them and last night we were honored to participate in our first, monthly conference call with Pat Robertson. Lucy was very excited to listen in. I will admit I was a little disappointed that it wasn't more personal because there are about 100 people on it at one time, but it was still cool.

I know not everyone is a gigantic fan of Pat Robertson but I think he's real and to me that is a rare and precious trait.

Anyway, on a side note, I start up at Regent University in January. I was awarded a merit scholarship based on previous college grades.......how ironic is that for this high school flunky? I will continue to work on my major in English but will add a double minor of Religious Studies and Communication. I was going to take Spanish but they're no longer offering it. I'm a little bummed but Communication will be fun too.

I'm off now to watch Ratatouille. I love a good rat movie! Remy is soooooooooo cute.....I just want to squeeze him!

BFWOD...Brain Fart Word of the Day

I reserve the right to have one brain fart word of the day. This is a word that I have completely forgotten how to spell for the day or one that I have drawn a blank on and remembered later...obviously. How can I write it on here if I can't remember it?

So...the BFWOD is: Vegetable. Which I have forgotten how to spell. Thank you spell check!

Complete and Utter Total Rant...so unlike me..hee hee

I don't have too much to share today. Next Monday Lucy will perform in her first play with CYT. She's been taking a class for the past two months and has a couple of lines and one singing solo in the Mickey Mouse Club themed showcase. I pray so very much that she does not freak out when she sees the audience. She is so theatrical when she's in a comfortable setting but can be shy when she's around strangers. Of course, I'm not really complaining about that but still.

I got on a kick talking about vegetables earlier and thought it funny that last night I had made myself carrots and broccoli and Lucy came out of her room and saw my plate and cried, "no fair!" She wanted carrots too. So I dished out a bunch for her on a plate and when I went to get her bed set up for sleep later that night, there was the plate, empty. I laughed and told Danny how funny it was that our child wanted carrots so badly. I guess this is my doing because I love veggies! Fruit upsets my stomach when I eat too much and I've never really been ridiculously fond of it anyway. I mean, I'll eat what I need to and I don't hate it but it is not the same love affair I have with veggies. Lucy and I are big fans especially of carrots, cooked or not, asparagus with a little I Can't Believe it's Not Butter, spray and a sprinkle of garlic salt and broccoli, seasoned the same way. I often throw in a bit of Thyme as well. I also love artichokes, cooked whole or the hearts. Lucy likes them cooked whole and dipped in vinegar. She love vinegar now...oops! What have I done?

Another favorite is the Salmon my dad catches in Alaska every year. He usually catches enough for the entire year. A family favorite is boiled Salmon, fresh asparagus and a few baby red potatoes. I could eat that every night for the rest of my life and be happy. I usually throw light herbs onto the Salmon because it doesn't need much and some capers. Those only go on mine though because they are not a favorite amongst my other family members. Garlic usually finds its way into the majority of my recipes because it rocks! I hope this food rant is not making Liz more nauseous. I don't know why I started ranting to begin with.

So, there is something incredibly cool happening in our little world tonight and I will leave it as a surprise and tell all about it tomorrow. And now, I will spend some time attempting to talk myself into cleaning. I will clean my house...I will clean my house....I will not clean my house...wait, how did that not get in there?

A Very Lifetime Day

We decided to visit Faith Chapel today. This was my church from childhood. We had talked about going for a while but I felt apprehensive because I knew it wouldn't be the church I remembered and I had such wonderful memories. I was afraid to be disappointed. At first I did feel a bit strange in being back, but then the singing began and I got that wonderful tingle that one gets when they are worshiping and it was like I was home again. We're going to go back and see if we can find a family there once more.

We managed to get to the boat after church. Only for a short time but I told Danny we could make it a weekly event. I love the feel of the cool wind blowing on my face as the boat glides along. A gentle rocking. It's so serene out there with nothing surrounding us but the crystal blue water. It brings back some really good childhood memories. I guess it was just one of those nostalgic days. Danny and I call them Lifetime moments.

Halloween Pictures

Background

I wanted to add a picture of my brother Michael so I thought I'd throw in a little background information while I'm at it. I was adopted at 6 months old and have an almost 19 year old sister, Kat. However, I am one of five kids because I also have Michael who is 24 years old and on my biological dad's side. Brandon is around the same age as Michael and Nicole is 22ish and they are from my biological mother's side. I haven't seen Brandon and Nicole for over 10 years because my bio mom and I had a falling out. Michael comes to visit yearly and has become one of my best friends. Lu loves her Uncle and he is very good to her. This picture was after mine and Danny's anniversary party on November 5, 2006. It was a Roaring 20's affair and I hope Lucy's beautiful face is appreciated. Obviously that is not what I wore to the actual party....I had on...GASP....a dress!

Trick, Treat & Pass Out!

I will attempt to get some Halloween pix of Lu up soon but we absolutely could NOT find the digital camera (I may have packed it during the fires) and had to buy a disposable at Rite Aid. This year, because Lucy is a bit older, the costume stakes went up and there was curling of her butt length hair with enough hair spray to hold Diana Ross' hair in place during a hurricane. I made sure to throw her in the shower before bed because I feared her eyes would be stuck shut by morning if she slept on all that spray. There was also makeup application and the right shoes to match the outfit, be comfortable for walking and not make her too hot or cold. Because we bought her fairy outfit a couple months ago, we couldn't for the life of us find the green wings that went with it. Luckily, any decent fairy mother keeps a backup pair of wings for just such an occasion and so we pulled out the purple ones and went on our merry way.

Then, we walked and walked and walked...all over Crown Hills which, go figure, has just a few hills. Then we visited with "Pa Tom." By the time we got back I was exhausted but stayed up with a friend visiting from out of town until after midnight. When I finally fell into bed, and I mean fell, the cat started to meow, Danny decided to get up and watch TV and the dog sneaked into my room. I don't know what time I finally fell asleep but I passed out and slept hard.

Halloween was fun and Lucy looked gorgeous, I'm a little jealous. I'm glad it's over for the year and as usual, I'm sure the candy will find its way to the top of the refrigerator where we'll notice it next Halloween and then throw it away. I think Lu's about the thrill of collecting the candy more than eating it. She even told one lady that she wasn't allowed to chew bubble gum...that's my girl!